I Can

You can’t afford the luxury of love

But I can offer you bliss

Radiant smiles and on your cheek a peck of a kiss

You can’t afford the soul of a perfect angel

But I can offer you back rubs

Hot meals, haircuts, and bubbles in your bathtub

You can’t afford to let go of the hurt to fully trust again

But I promise to keep you young

Pray for you, listen close and only let words with respect roll off my tongue

Masquerade

Everyone is dancing, singing, drinking

Behind my mask, I am thinking

Suffocating, eager, waiting

To fulfill the plans I’ve been contemplating

Balcony, ledge, 100 feet high

Today is when I finally learn to fly

Behind my mask I smile

But these hidden eyes, they cry

Hugs and kisses. Good to see you

I’ve missed you, how are you, you look well and free to

Do as you please and conquer the world

The things in passing they say to this girl

But this girl isn’t me

It’s who they think me to be

While I am in trance, responding robotically

My only wish was for them to know who I really was

For them to know that the posts and the likes and the pictures

Are only because

I know what they want and feed their imagination

Through pride I hide my true sorrow and indignation

But woulda, coulda, shoulda

It’s all too late

If only someone has heard the pleas for help

My potential was great

I was only lonely but too lonely to bare

There was no escape

The best of intentions just isn’t enough

When the actions are scarce and their words are just…stuff

So please excuse me, I need some fresh air

My politeness has no second thought

They don’t even notice me walking there

I kick off my shoes and remove my coat

Deep breathes, eyes closed and I imagine how it’ll feel to float

No turning back now, my mind is made

Each beautiful color is already grayed

I’m sorry, my dear

To leave you here

The only one that loves me for sure

But only by default I fear

I stand on the ledge as they pay me no mind

Disturbing tranquility

Excitement

Arms spread like an eagle

I leap

Falling

I’ve used all my time

Free Fall

These eyes have seen the worst of life

But this heart has felt the beauty of it all

This mind processes the conflict

These lungs breathe in, breathe out

Into the light, out of the darkness

But these feet keep moving towards the window

These ears still hear the voice of an angry father

These legs still feel the warmth of warped love

This back is tense with the flashbacks of before

These lips quiver while this tongue tastes the salt of tears

This hair flows feather like behind me

This throat prepares to expel every regret and unsettlement

This body free falls from the 46th floor of the Hilton

The most calming and free I’ve ever felt

The corners of my mouth curl

I fall into another universe

Where people love and laugh and cherish

I fall into a slumber full of clouds where I thought I’d feel concrete

I’m free

My Lovely Wife

Here lies the love of my life

My wife

The one who was with me

Through struggle and strife

The perfect woman

Whom I took for granted

The beautiful soul

That I spat at, kicked and slapped

With the the heart I shattered

And the spirit I dimmed

And the hair I turned grey

Here lies the woman with the strength of a thousand moons

The woman with the courage of David standing in front of Goliath

The most beautiful and loving

The mother of my child

Whom I took for granted

The one I took a small piece of at a time

And flicked into the river

The perfect woman

That I drowned to death

It’s too late to love her back to life

So here she lies

Finally at peace

My beautiful wife

I am

I am, I am your riot

I am the skip in your heartbeat

I am that sense of familiarity

In every stranger that you meet

I am the song you put on repeat

I am that, “I love you,” that makes you feel complete

I am, I am your peace

I am the rumble in your core

I am the foam the waves leave on the shore

I am the creamer in the coffee you pour

When in the morning it’s approaching four

And you accept that you can’t sleep anymore

I am the thoughts that linger in your

Subconscious. I am the split second thought

I am the thing in your basement you forgot that you bought

I am that ounce of doubt while you lie next to her

I am, I am the regret

I am the one you try to forget

But still the one you’re glad you met

I am who taught you selfless love

But not self control

I gave you all of me

My heart, mind and soul

I was your practice

You passed this class and passed me up to succeed

With someone other than me.

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