I Can

You can’t afford the luxury of love

But I can offer you bliss

Radiant smiles and on your cheek a peck of a kiss

You can’t afford the soul of a perfect angel

But I can offer you back rubs

Hot meals, haircuts, and bubbles in your bathtub

You can’t afford to let go of the hurt to fully trust again

But I promise to keep you young

Pray for you, listen close and only let words with respect roll off my tongue



Everyone is dancing, singing, drinking

Behind my mask, I am thinking

Suffocating, eager, waiting

To fulfill the plans I’ve been contemplating

Balcony, ledge, 100 feet high

Today is when I finally learn to fly

Behind my mask I smile

But these hidden eyes, they cry

Hugs and kisses. Good to see you

I’ve missed you, how are you, you look well and free to

Do as you please and conquer the world

The things in passing they say to this girl

But this girl isn’t me

It’s who they think me to be

While I am in trance, responding robotically

My only wish was for them to know who I really was

For them to know that the posts and the likes and the pictures

Are only because

I know what they want and feed their imagination

Through pride I hide my true sorrow and indignation

But woulda, coulda, shoulda

It’s all too late

If only someone has heard the pleas for help

My potential was great

I was only lonely but too lonely to bare

There was no escape

The best of intentions just isn’t enough

When the actions are scarce and their words are just…stuff

So please excuse me, I need some fresh air

My politeness has no second thought

They don’t even notice me walking there

I kick off my shoes and remove my coat

Deep breathes, eyes closed and I imagine how it’ll feel to float

No turning back now, my mind is made

Each beautiful color is already grayed

I’m sorry, my dear

To leave you here

The only one that loves me for sure

But only by default I fear

I stand on the ledge as they pay me no mind

Disturbing tranquility


Arms spread like an eagle

I leap


I’ve used all my time

Free Fall

These eyes have seen the worst of life

But this heart has felt the beauty of it all

This mind processes the conflict

These lungs breathe in, breathe out

Into the light, out of the darkness

But these feet keep moving towards the window

These ears still hear the voice of an angry father

These legs still feel the warmth of warped love

This back is tense with the flashbacks of before

These lips quiver while this tongue tastes the salt of tears

This hair flows feather like behind me

This throat prepares to expel every regret and unsettlement

This body free falls from the 46th floor of the Hilton

The most calming and free I’ve ever felt

The corners of my mouth curl

I fall into another universe

Where people love and laugh and cherish

I fall into a slumber full of clouds where I thought I’d feel concrete

I’m free

My Lovely Wife

Here lies the love of my life

My wife

The one who was with me

Through struggle and strife

The perfect woman

Whom I took for granted

The beautiful soul

That I spat at, kicked and slapped

With the the heart I shattered

And the spirit I dimmed

And the hair I turned grey

Here lies the woman with the strength of a thousand moons

The woman with the courage of David standing in front of Goliath

The most beautiful and loving

The mother of my child

Whom I took for granted

The one I took a small piece of at a time

And flicked into the river

The perfect woman

That I drowned to death

It’s too late to love her back to life

So here she lies

Finally at peace

My beautiful wife

I am

I am, I am your riot

I am the skip in your heartbeat

I am that sense of familiarity

In every stranger that you meet

I am the song you put on repeat

I am that, “I love you,” that makes you feel complete

I am, I am your peace

I am the rumble in your core

I am the foam the waves leave on the shore

I am the creamer in the coffee you pour

When in the morning it’s approaching four

And you accept that you can’t sleep anymore

I am the thoughts that linger in your

Subconscious. I am the split second thought

I am the thing in your basement you forgot that you bought

I am that ounce of doubt while you lie next to her

I am, I am the regret

I am the one you try to forget

But still the one you’re glad you met

I am who taught you selfless love

But not self control

I gave you all of me

My heart, mind and soul

I was your practice

You passed this class and passed me up to succeed

With someone other than me.

When I die

When I die

Turn me into ashes

Throw me in the sky

Free balloons with pieces of me

Let them go gracefully

You know I’ve always

Wished I could fly

If it all seems so sudden

You mustn’t wonder why

I looked up all suggestions

Every single one I’d try

Each time you asked

What’s wrong, I admit

At times I’d lie

I was only trying

To protect you

I didn’t want to be

The reason for which

You drowned in silent cries

I know you had an inkling

But you didn’t want to pry

I know you whispered

Of me but tried

Not to be a spy

Don’t look for me in heaven

Just cremate me

When I die


A wine glass filled with cyanide

I was sitting there by candlelight

Wearing nothing but shame and lonely

I could never make her love me

The scent of fear and agony fill the room

My thoughts are racing

Just as bad as my heart

I know everything about you

Your favorite color is royal blue

You add extra sugar in your tea

You dream of sunflower fields

You wear your glasses only on Mondays

I know everything about you

You smell like caramel and feel like sunshine

You’re made with a wild heart

And the courage of a weaponless warrior

I know everything

I know you despise me, I know you hate me

I know you could never date me

And you haven’t even thought about me lately

You hate my kind, the overachieving sinner

The ultra wicked, the kind there’s a special hell for

There’s cyanide in my glass

To match the poison in my heart

A martyr for love

I hope this beautiful death

Doesn’t tear us forever apart

There’s cyanide in your glass


You ever do your best and it’s not

Enough ?

Tough shit, try harder, this is normal. I see you girl and you ain’t doin nothin. I mean you doin somethin but it’s just not


I’m tryna be here for you. I’m being sincere. I’m being honest. I’m a little messed up in the head though so maybe I’m missing something. I’m really not sure. I probably don’t pay attention


By the way I’m trying out this college thing as a last ditch effort. I don’t mind living in poverty, it’s kind of all I know. But see I have a kid now and I can’t chase my dreams like that and I can’t forfeit them either. I don’t know what I’m doing but my baby, she’s gotta have


She actually deserves much more. Much more than I can give her. She’s better off with one of y’all. One of you stable folk. One of you wives with husbands and jobs and happiness and you know the sorts of things like patience. A bunch of all that because I already know you have


I would say that I’m sorry to leave but I’m actually ecstatic. I get to have my questions answered about the after life and the higher power. Or I don’t, I’m not sure. At least if not, I won’t know. I won’t suffer. I’ll be at peace. Because at this point I’m sure I’ve suffered




Run 5000 miles through the snow with lead feet and blurred vision with hands tied behind your back as you gasp for air because it’s not as cold as you thought it would be and your sweater is too thick and you have on corduroy pants with cement bricks in your pockets as the blood pours from your nostrils and you carry the shame handed to you by the ones you love…

R U N !


Run directly into the eye of the tornado as the thunder and lightening barrel uncomfortably close at your heels until you reach the very center and feel the calm amidst the chaos as the breeze peels back the skin on your face and the debris just slightly misses your arteries but still every shard of glass, every branch, every needle and nail pierce your flesh as you beg for mercy…

R U N !


Run from yourself and watch your soul leave your body and your pupils dilate and your pulse weaken and your bowels empty and the rosy red evaporate from cheeks and your last escaping breath forms the words, “I love you,”…

R U N !


Run into the arms of love personified with your scratches, your bruises and your guilt and your devastation and the stench that parasitically clings to you and let the ocean that is your tears and your mothers tears and her mothers tears and the tears ever so present in this tattered realm, eloquently wash over you, cleansing you vigorously and trying arduously to restore your innocence by erasing your sins…

R U N !


Run through a field of sunflowers as the moon gently kisses your skin and you feel the dirt between your toes and with every stride, you become more and more unencumbered and serendipitous and you’ve never felt so free and so alive and run. Just run. Run until you reach the edge of the earth and let the sunrise guide you home until you’re …

S T I L L.

Stay still.

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